The box of kleenex gets in the way of grieving without meaning to.
You're crying your heart out. You're saying "blah, blah, blah AND furthermore, blah, blah...." and suddenly someone hands you a box of kleenex. Your crying session has been interrupted.
Do you go on? Do you shut up? Do you ask them if they need coffee with cream? Was the subject changed?
You know, we can see the box of kleenex on the coffee table. Yes we know our noses are full of snot and other critters. Yes we know we should (and could) reach for the kleenex but we haven't because we are saying "blah, blah, blah, and blah......" and need to say it.
We are not ready to blow our noses, thank you very much. =)
Leave the kleenex where it is. Don't even offer kleenex. You are stopping our flow of tears....metaphorically and physically. The message you are sending is, you are making a big honking mess and here's a box disposable rags. Clean yourself up! Is that what you intended to do?
If I (we) need kleenex I (we) will ask for it. Otherwise don't interrupt me by showing me or handing me (or the grieving person) a case of kleenex because we might not be all cried out yet.
Maybe we want to wear our tears a little longer since more are on the way... I don't know but I do know I am not alone in my feelings. =p
We grieving peeps sometimes say strange things like this to each other you know... =)
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7 comments:
I keep the
bog roll close
(tp)
It could be that they want to help, but don't have a clue how. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, and sometimes that's the hardest thing.
Strange things indeed . . .
I went on a counselling course (years ago) I never completed it because it was all so obvious, but we had to do role play and stuff and they asked us "If someone started to cry, what would you do" . . . Many people said that they would pass the tissues as "permission to cry". I said I wouldn't because if it was me that was crying, being passed the tissues would mean "Ok, thats enough of the tears, dry them up now" Of course they all looked at me like I was nuts (?) or just strange? . . . So I'm really, really pleased you shared that. Thanks :-)
That's why I'm here Thomas, to tell you... =) And yes it is hard but it's hard for for them to re-start their "wah-wah's".
Salem, tp works too. =) I never used kleenex till Nicole died lol.
bugerlugs, another mom and I were talking online about being interrupted while "crying".
She mentioned what you said and I said well that happens all the time - one is crying and the box of kleenex appears and interrupts your thought process. (especially if you have MS!)
I thought back to how often that happens in real life. It happens ALL THE TIME.
I'm not going to do it to anyone again. I have kleenex on the coffee table. If they want it, they can help themselves.
That is, if anyone comes over to cry.
Glad you thought differently than the group! =)
Yay for you and bugerlugs. I did complete my counselling course (telephone counselling) but damn near failed because I am a firm believer in letting the cryer or the counselled person setting the pace.
If and when you need to cry - do it. My mama used to threaten to cry and puddle and drown us all. Now, a lot older, I can see where she was coming from.
When that sort of sadness surrounds, I offer Cosmos(really), not tissues. And I walk softly.
~Mary
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