The first thing I think of when I wake up is "Nicole really died" and.... I always cuss 'WTF' in my head (yes I do - you'd think by now I would have something more insightful, more thoughtful, more...solemn, more prayerful, more... profound but no, I cuss 'WTF' and go pee. Then I brush my teeth and stare at myself in the mirror and think I'm a Stephen King character from Christine and always, I wonder how the hell I got here. Always. Always. My language has not improved over time I'm sorry to say. Christine, the Stephen King novel really scared me. And Christine, the third wife on Sister Wives is now...slightly unhinged I think. I used to like her but now her timing belt is coming off. Ooops. My dirty little secret is out. I watch Sister Wives. And Gold Rush. Those are the only two TV shows I really watch and well.... I better not say another word about Christine.
My daschie knows the routine now. If she is ahead of me she makes a left to the bathroom as she knows that's where I am going first. I have my routine to do first - then we'll do hers. Sometimes we share a few tears first. Just sometimes. She sits and waits expectedly. She is patient. She used to be a hyper-daschie who wanted to play all the time and now she's mellow Gini. After she lost her best friend Quill the golden she was never the same. We both lost someone we loved. Everyone says she has changed and she has.
The snow that's outside the door is here to stay until Spring, Alex says. I remind myself every day that Spring always follows Winter, no matter how long the Winter. A quote from a friend I carry around in my head and heart daily.
There are different kinds of Springs. Economic springs, environmental springs, emotional springs and so on.
Tomorrow I have an eye appointment at 6:40 AM. That is not a typo. I had no idea MD's saw patients at that hour for eyes. The appointment was made after Christmas but we were trying to get the appointment made before Christmas. In case you don't know there is no such thing as an eye emergency unless you go to ER. All the eye doctors had closed their offices early - so we were stuck.
My eye problems are decidedly odd. I have had ON and Uveitis both but it really doesn't fit either. Eyes are friends (or so the dr in Texas said) but mine are arguing with each other. My right one seems to be blurry in certain areas. I am not certain though. I also have photophobia that comes and goes. My eyes do get red and they hurt but not exceedingly so. It is more of a problem in the eye affected by ON.
ON had more of an impact on my life than Uveitis but Uveitis is more of a threat to sight. Truth be told it doesn't feel like either. I will have my answer in the morning.
Maybe I've cried out all the pigment in my eyes. Well, that's not possible - it's MS stuff I'm sure - you do remember I have MS, right? =) =) =) =)
Sooooooo tomorrow before the sun comes up we'll be at the eye doctor at 6:40 AM! Thank goodness for Starbucks Lattes and... eyes away!
Posts
11 comments:
Oh Sherry..! You troop with such grace..! That is for real, you and your Daschie watching those reality shows..!
That is an early morning wake up call. I will be up and out at that time myself... If you hear your name whispered in the darkness, it is just as likely to be me, saying hello and offering up my words in the early morning light...
Ive only read two blogs in my fifty some years.I came to yours by accident, but probably because the Lord wanted me to read from your words and about Nicole. He works like that.
Im sad, my heart is heavy. I grew up with alcoholic parents, all of my siblings are severe alcoholics, Im the only one who escaped it. Growing up in it effected me so much its hard for me to even pass by the beer aisle in a store.
I have not lost a child, I cannot begin to feel your heart, but i have lost my entire family to alcohol, yet they are still living.
Living a full life is what any parent wants for their child, and it is also what a child wants for their parent.
Im praying you can wake up in the mornings with sweet words to start your day. I have no doubt Nicole would want to hear them.
Im praying for that peace that passes all understanding for you.
Thank goodness for lattes INDEED!!!!
And I'm glad that you are so honest. It makes me feel better about my own mind/thought processes. Thank you for not 'editing the truth'.
Aaaargh. My eyes are tricking me a bit at the moment - double vision which effectively means no vision which miraculously clears - until the next time. The dread disease at play.
Good luck with your appointment - I am sure you couldn't get one for that time here.
That would not be a good appointment time for me. If I actually went to bed at night, and got up to make it there, it would take a triple grande latte for me to have any hope of seeing the eye chart. Otherwise, I guess I could just plan on staying up all night - and I'd be more likely to make the appointment on time. 8:40 sounds a tiny bit more reasonable.
I hope it's nothing serious. I've had, and so have ON. Let us hope it remains something you can still see with. It's hard to read lips of you're blind!
[How did Helen Keller do it???]
Here's hoping you're home and your eyes turned out okay at your exam.
Your first thoughts each morning ... it makes sense that this happens that way each day, but it's horribly sad. Hardly a moment of wakefulness without this weight of sadness settling over you.
My dachshunds don't follow me into the bathroom first thing, but they too are patient waiting for me before they get to go out. In fact, the younger one is like a teenager who doesn't like to get up, so I often have to roust her from the bed.
what did one eye
say to the other eye?
there's something between
us that smells
I read Christine a long time ago
I found a used hardcover at a thrift store in TN
I also have the movie
Oh yes, the daschie and I watch those two reality shows. I have plenty to say about Sister Wives. =)
Anonymous, thanks for finding my blog. I am sorry about your family - I can't imagine growing up like that. I can't pass by boxed Zinfandel wine without wanting to vandalize it so I understand your feeling about beer. :-o
So many people are impacted by alcoholism or addiction - directly or indirectly.
I hope one day to wake up and have something more ...thoughtful, profound, happy greet me when I open my eyes but it hasn't happened yet. But thank you very much for stopping by. =)
Hey Zebra Elizabeth, I 'pose I could put a filter on my blog but then it would be a novel and not a blog. HUM. =p
Elephant's Child, well I escaped the wrath of MS this time woohoo and went directly into The Crying Game, LOL.
Webster, Helen Keller didn't do it the way everyone thinks she did it. Did you ever read Helen Keller: A Life by Dorothy Herrmann? VERY INTERESTING... hmmm, the lady want sex. I'll leave you with that tidbit. =)
Hey Cranky, so you have a daschie pair. =) I think that's good- it keeps them from being lonely. I don't make a good dog for her.
Thanks for stopping by everyone.
lol @ salem....!
*sniff - sniff*
When I was running an oncology practice in the 90s a new patient insisted on talking to "the boss" to get an earlier appt. When I got on the phone he said: I work in the city so I need the first appt. Will the doctor see me at 5am?
Uhm, no.
But many practices offer before work hours. Those times are very popular.
And thanks. I own Starbucks stock.
~Mary
Mary, they offer these hours so "working people" can get their eyes checked. Alex had to be at work at 9 AM so this was perfect. I believe I was the second patient.
You can thank my girlfriend for Starbucks! =) A Christmas pressie!
Post a Comment