Any normal, sane person would want to run away from a crazy life.
Since I haven't left, I must not be sane. =p
My desire to run away from home began long time ago, about the time I realized Nicole was in serious trouble.
I don't even know where home is so where do I leave from? Do you have to know where you're "running away" from to run away from it? Is it where my stuff is stored? Is it where our temporary stuff is located, where we sleep, eat and bathe? It is where the heart resides? Today is Friday and there are no Fridays with Morrie books. Or is it the Jeep I'd use to escape in? Do I talk Alex into coming with me? If he says no, do I take the dog?
We know we're moving in April. Again. I have lost count of the number of moves but I know I need an extra set of hands to count them. Or an abacus. (how high does it count?)
I miss my stuff and yes I tell myself to shut up, at least I have stuff. And who cares about stuff? My stuff is just stuff like photo albums, artwork Nicole and Andrew drew, Nicole's smoochie lips and Andrew's little baby sweater.
I want them back and since I can't have them back right now, I will run away. =p
Alex and I are not having un-marital problems. We are more than fine, I don't want to demoted him to husband status. Something about marriage ruins perfectly good boyfriends. Once the ring gets on your finger they turn into husbands. The only reason I bring this up is because I want to run away, but not run away from him. I want to run away and ... go absolutely crazy.
I have never gone crazy. I follow all the directions which oddly enough gets me in a lot of trouble, considering the number of rules, directions and regulations we have nowadays ....
I don't know how to go crazy. I'm too damn practical. I feel I deserve to run away and I don't think anyone deserves to run away which is why I've never done it but that doesn't mean I don't think I deserve to... are you following me?
I wanted to run away many times and even verbalized it repeatedly but NO ONE ASKED ME WHY.
Could it be I was the normal one and everyone else was nuts?
To this day I wish I had done so. Imagine the impact.
I would have left a short note saying:
1.) Nicole, my sweet girl...you are drinking to death. I'm not coming home or talking to you until you do something about it. You moved in to "help me" with my MS and you're hurting me. I love you very, very much.
2.) It doesn't matter what I would say to my EX.
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11 comments:
Unfortunately running away solves nothing, all your problems go with you. Now, going crazy...that's another story, I like that idea better.
Sanity at this station has been temporarily disconnected. Please try again later. Quite a bit later.
Oh yes, I would love to run away. I am not even certain why, much less where to. As you can tell I am with Karen. Besides if I go crazy instead of running away I don't have to pack and unpack - both of which drive me crazy.
First of all, I definitely disagree with Karen, but if I wanted to discuss the point any further, I have a blog to now, don't I?
Anywho, I used to think about being married... but after all the time spent diddling around without the title, I think I could do without being anyone else's husband ..!
I have wanted to run away, but not for any particular reason. Just to me by myself. I wanted to go to listen to the ocean. I suppose I still could do it, but I get scared doing things alone.
I went kind of bat shit crazy when I left home at 18 years old for several years. I can't say I learned anything useful from it. Running away (figuratively) is overrated.
Sometimes it is possible run away from external circumstances and start over -- we actually did it. But as Karen said -- you take your internal circumstances with you.
Well peeps, I've never done it (run away) so I won't.
Now going crazy, that's still a go! LOL. =) =) =)
I wonder if your daughter would have been able to find the strength to deal with her alcoholism if you had gone away, leaving that note. It's a powerful statement, that's for sure.
Jenny, Nicole would have flipped out. It wasn't my nature to do something like that. I threatened to... but didn't. I wish I had done so. My reasoning at the time was "it would cost too much money."
What subsequently followed cost me so much money it would have been cheaper for me to stay gone for months LOL!!!
Makes you wonder what she would have done. We were close - she talked to me about things I know she talked to no one else about.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of woman she would have grown into had alcohol not entered her life at such a young age.
Since you were close to each other, chances are she would have turned out a lot like you...my two cents' worth.
I get this. I used to think about running away too. But sadly, I just take me along and that was the problem. Now it is good to face me and work on being truly present right here.
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