We laughed.
She put her arms around me and started whispering in my ear. I reminded her I was deaf and didn't understand whispers. She whispered In dreams, you aren't deaf... and I responded quite stubbornly I supposed... I must see your eyes to hear. And I reminded her that when she was living she could hear and still used closed-captions much to the dismay of her non-deaf friends.
She laughs.
We are suddenly in the kitchen where I find my Dad and Grandmother making popcorn balls. My dad's brother is looking at me with some amusement like he always did.
They say hello.
I ask with humor... "Are we celebrating the Festival of the Dead?"
Nicole says I have a way of cutting to the chase and she wants to tell me something about that now. They all laugh. Especially my dad's brother. He has soup on the stove. I think it's what we called Hal Soup. It looks like it. I see a packet of taco seasoning mix and two opened cans of corn.
She seems to float across the room. I notice her toe rings are missing. Dad, Nanno and my Uncle are gone.
Dammit, they took the popcorn balls and soup.
Nicole says Mom, I'm sorry I never told you this but you will find stuff in my diary. I've thanked you a lot for telling me the truth even when I was raging mad. You'll see.
Then she says she has a favor to ask.
I am on guard.
I am used to being on guard with alcoholics and addicts. Especially when asked favors. My red flag goes up immediately, even in this dream with Nicole.
Keep going, she says. You on the right track. I glare at her and she says I knew you would give me the mommy glare...I miss my mommy glare... we laugh. I glare again but this time with a smile.
I french-braid her hair and kiss her goodbye, she goes off wearing a tie-dyed dress made by Andrew. She found it in my makeup bag. (no it is not that big, but she was always getting into my makeup bag)
One day at a time.
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14 comments:
Oh Sherry, this brought tears to my eyes. On Monday, you wanted to know where your child is. I truly believe that the departed communicate with us in our dreams, I think she has told you where she is. I hope it gives you some comfort.
*hugs*
You two still love each other and always will. We will be with our loved ones again in the sweet bye and bye. I really do believe this.
Wow that's intense ! Is there a diary she is telling you to read in real life ? X
Oh yes - there are several boxes of diaries. I've already seen some of the things she wrote and they're very positive towards me.
One thing I remember in particular is "Why did it take me ten years to learn mom is right about everything?" and I want to tell her I am not right about everything. That's her negative self-talk but I know what she is referring to.
I really want her diaries out of storage so I can work on a book... =)
Thanks Karen and Anna. I agree with both of you. She is close to me in my heart and I have to remember that.
This is really a beautiful dream that says a lot. I am so glad that you had it. I have just been reading an amazing book this afternoon all about the spirit within us that can conquer death. These people are traveling in India and are meeting people the author claims have conquered death with their bodies so when they leave this earth they take their bodies with them. Like a son and daughter who look to be in their thirties are well past 100 years old. My mind is quite boggled. I don't know what to make of this book, but I do believe that we could do a lot better at making our bodies immortal if we adhered to all the rules of health and of spiritual living. I do think we bring about sickness by violating the rules. These people that are so advanced are very developed in their characters, too. I am going to have to think about the claims here, but I always think that if my kids would get back in harmony with the principles of creation they would do much better. One of the masters they are traveling with who can be in a room without entering the door says that most people do violate the laws of spiritual development enough that they must reincarnate again to try to perfect the care of their bodies. I have always envied disciplined people who were not tempted by food that was not good for them, or anything else that wasn't either. I do hope you will read the diaries and continue with writing a book as I think your story could touch many hearts with the pain of loss of someone precious you did not realize was at high risk. I just got word yesterday that my BIL has probably got lung cancer metastasized into the spine caused from heavy smoking. So many ways we take up habits that later on cause overwhelming problems.
What A wonderful dream, it's one of the ways my mom speaks to me.
I love this post.
This is reassuring. She knows how much pain you are in. Beautiful images. No ethanol in heaven. She was straight. You knew her by her facial expressions. wow.
A dream to cherish as you cherished the girl and as she cherishes you still.
Well then - given that there are diaries I think that Nicole is giving you the nudge that the time is right to read them.
I know that some people think dreams are just dreams but when I was little I had an Uncle who had cystic fibrosis. When I was about 7 I had a dream I can still remember to this day clearly where I was standing in our dining room and my uncle was on the other side of the patio doors in the garden waving to me and smiling ( while wearing a jesters outfit )I woke up and found my mum gone as she was at the hospital as he'd been rushed in during the night and passed away. I truely believe he came to say goodbye
I don't always know what to comment, but I often feel connected to various elements in the entries on Nicole. ~Mary
I agree with Karen and Ms. Kay. 'It seems so real' doesn't begin to cover it, as an outsider. Thank you for sharing Nicole's beautiful visit. I hope you do continue to read her diaries.
The art you shared in previous posts also deeply impacted me, in recovery from PTSD. Thank you.
A beautiful dream and one so real that she came to visit you. I have dead relative dreams but mine are disturbing more than calming. This one seemed so calming to me as if her spirit were hovering over you.
Elizabeth, I hear what you're saying. I've been told I have PTSD from the multiple traumas (not everything is on my blog) BUT it is an area I leave untouch for myself.... (((hugs)))
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