scream

We lost the house we were to rent because my background check came back with twelve pages of sex perverts listed. (in contrast, Alex's was one page, no perverts listed)  On page 12 they declared me innocent of any criminal matters. 

Yeah, we're going to read 11 pages first.

Why wasn't that info on page one and more importantly, why include eleven effing pages of chatter about child molesters and rapists? 

I don't even know those perverts and don't want to know them.

At first I didn't care - I am used to being accused of things I didn't do or say.  In one ear, out the other.

But we need to rent a house so now I must kind of care even though I feel like **** and ***. (both come out of the same rear end)

Alex has a lawyer friend and that's all I'll say about that - I am not a sex pervert and the proof is on page 12.  Our society is into dramatizing issues - let's put the juice (true or not) on pages 1-11 and save the truth for last.

Background checks should not read like The National Enquirer. Unless you did something naughty, like John Edwards the sleezy scumbag. Hope he's on page one every week. 

Now we are trying for house number three. Same background check is being processed.

I'm trying to figure out what to eat. It's 3:04 pm and I haven't eaten a thing. I'm afraid to put a bite in my mouth in fear of harming my kidneys but I have a massive headache. Plus there's this- nothing sounds good.  I eat to live, I don't live to eat.

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A card I gave Nicole with a message I wrote her was discovered. We gave each other cards all the time - after all we worked in a paper store. It has been haunting me ever since I saw it. I want to know why I said that. I like answers.

And I cannot remember which of the many crisises Nicole was undergoing. So many, at so many different times. 

Double-click to enlarge.

Front of card

Inside of card

my message to her

I recognized the card and message as soon as I saw it but I couldn't remember why I said that to her.

I can't stop thinking about that card. It bothers me.

I miss worrying about her. I do. Well...I still worry about her but I can't explain that one.

In closing I want to say I really haven't been to anyone's blogs. When everything hurts from head to toe it's hard to keep your spirits up.  Which takes me to another point.

Do you get a bit envious when you come across a cheerful blogger who has everything wrong in the world with her?  Maybe she has RA, MS, colon cancer and even admits to having toenail fungus. Yet she blogs positively about how wonderful her life is, her perfect children, her persian cat who gets homecooked pet food, her gourmet Chef, and her "you attract what you seek" outlook so why don't you do the same?  "There is no try, just do?"  Don't you want to click off?  (none of you are like that but I've run across some by accident - I swear)